Therapy for Self-Compassion

Your relationship to yourself impacts so many areas of your life.

Does this sound familiar?

Therapy can help get to the root of this self-perception.

  • Thinking or saying “I’m not good enough,” “No one likes me,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m unworthy”?

  • Is it hard for you to receive positive feedback?

  • Do you find yourself holding on to negative words or a past experience?

  • Does your negative inner voice keep showing up (no matter what reassurances you get from friends/family)?

  • Have you ever wondered about what your life would be like if you could just let all this unworthiness go? 

new possibilities

Imagine this instead

Being encouraging and supportive to yourself

Being able to release self-judgement

Not feeling criticism right in the heart

Going from “never doing that again!” to "ready to try again!”

Trusting your experience

Speaking up for your wants and needs

Valuing your opinion

Knowing that you are good enough

impact

How do I know if my lack of self-compassion is a problem?

The “not good enough” voice you hear can build and spill over into many areas of your life. So much so that when an opportunity or new experience comes up, you might count yourself out before even trying. The things we end up saying no to can be really heartbreaking to look back on.

The you that is shaped by low self-esteem is not your true self. The you that is formed is certainly familiar and may feel real, but it is not true. As Tara Brach says, it is a “trance of unworthiness.” Releasing the belief that you are unworthy, will allow you to flourish into your most true self.

Without self-compassion you might experience:

  • Depression

  • Anxiety

  • Low self-esteem

  • Body image issues

  • Ruminating on negative thoughts

  • Feeling not good enough, unlovable, and/or worthless

  • Self-consciousness

  • Over-sensitivity to criticism

  • Loneliness

  • Discounting success

  • Isolation

Many life events or new experiences can trigger this. It can also be true that you have lived with low self-compassion your whole life - maybe it first rooted in a childhood or growing up experience and grew from there. No matter where it came from, it’s important that you realize how worthy and golden you are. Imagine what your life can be like when that negative inner voice is quiet, when your sense of self is secure, when you truly embrace yourself. Therapy can help get you there.

  • “One of the great blocks to realizing the gold of who we are is our conviction that, ‘something is wrong with me.’

    Tara Brach

  • “When we liberate ourselves from the expectation that we must have all things figured out, we enter a sanctuary of empathy.”

    Sonya Renee Taylor

let's start here

What is self-compassion?

An attitude of loving-kindness towards yourself; feeling grounded in the good of who you are.

Generally low self-esteem is defined as not having confidence in who you are or what you do, feeling inadequate and/or unlovable, and fearing making mistakes or disappointing others.

Dr. Kristin Neff describes that, “In modern Western culture, self-esteem is often based on how much we are different from others, how much we stand out or are special. It is not okay to be average, we have to feel above average to feel good about ourselves. This means that attempts to raise self-esteem may result in narcissistic, self-absorbed behavior, or lead us to put others down in order to feel better about ourselves. We also tend to get angry and aggressive towards those who have said or done anything that potentially makes us feel bad about ourselves. The need for high self-esteem may encourage us to ignore, distort or hide personal shortcomings so that we can’t see ourselves clearly and accurately. Finally, our self-esteem is often contingent on our latest success or failure, meaning that our self-esteem fluctuates depending on ever-changing circumstances.”

Self-compassion, on the other hand, isn’t based on “being better” or achieving a goal. Self-compassion is something you can always give yourself regardless of what’s happening in your life. Self-compassion is your relationship with yourself. It is about being kind to yourself, even in your toughest moments. Self-compassion helps build greater “greater emotional resilience, more accurate self-concepts, more caring relationship behavior, as well as less narcissism and reactive anger.”

For more on the differences, read this article: Why We Should Stop Chasing Self-Esteem and Start Developing Self-Compassion.

I’ve also written a blog about “The Trance of Unworthiness.” 

a new beginning

How can therapy help me?

Therapy can help you:

  • understand how you are holding yourself back

  • be nurturing and encouraging to yourself

  • be who you really are (unbound by others expectations)

  • improve how you connect with others